If you have been trying to conceive (TTC) for any length of time then I know you can't wait to say the words... "We're pregnant!" I've heard people laugh when a husband or wife has said these words and responded with some type of humorous remark about how they hoped the husband wasn't pregnant or they've noticed the (pregnancy) beer belly on him, but didn't want to say anything. The reality is that it does take two to get pregnant! Now, as a 3x Gestational Carrier (Surrogate) who has carried 5 children for 3 families dealing with infertility, I know it can take a lot more than 2 people to get pregnant, but you know what I mean.
There is actually a lot of power in the little two letter word "we." The University of California, Berkeley has done studies on the differences in couples who tend to use the words "we," "our" and "us" versus those that use "I," "my" and "you." Research showed that those that used pronouns such as "we" in their everyday lives behaved more positively towards each other and showed less physiological stress. Those that used more "I's" were found to be less satisfied and unhappy in their marriage.
So what does this mean for couples in life and in-fertility? A LOT... God designed reproduction and procreation among humans to happen between a man and a woman. It isn't an "I" thing, it is a "we" thing. Successful marriages are those that make decisions together, decide on how to do finances together, spend time together and grow old together. The fertility journey can be a lonely road to begin with. At the very least you want to be on the journey toward growing your family with your spouse, to feel like you are a team, a dynamic duo, who are joining forces together against infertility.
The use of "we" shows that you are in a partnership in life and in-fertility. It shows that you are connected. Although it is hard to say, "we are dealing with infertility," it is easier to say than, "I am having a hard time getting pregnant." You aren't alone, you get to stand together with your spouse for better or worse, in sickness and in health.
From now on pay attention to how you and your spouse talk. Are you a "we" couple or are you an "I" couple. The great news is that you can make positive changes in your relationship just by using a powerful two letter word more! It isn't just a change in how you talk, but how you think and eventually in how you do life together.
There shouldn't be an "I" in Infertility. From now on, there should only be a "We."
Joining Couples through the Journey,
Tiffany Jo Baker MA, CLC
Research information found at: http://news.berkeley.edu/2010/01/27/couple_we_ness/
You can't control everything in life and in-fertility, but you can control the most important "WHO's" in your life!
Why is it so important WHO is in your life? Well, according to articles in the Huffington Post and Psychology Today, you can accurately predict where you'll be in life 5 years from now, simply by the company you keep and who you do life with. The people you spend time with have a major influence in how you feel, think, and behave!
So how does this apply to couples in life and in-fertility?... A LOT... You have the power of choice, to choose the WHO's on your journey with you. They will have a major influence on how you feel, what you think and what you do on the journey towards growing your family!
Here are the 4 major WHO's for your fertility journey:
1. Your Spouse! First of all, it is important that you marry the right WHO for you. I'll assume that most of you are married and past this first point, but if not... I have worked with a lot of couples and singles and in my opinion, next to your relationships with God, choosing a spouse is the 2nd most important decision you will make in your life.
2. Your TTC Tribe! On your path towards growing your family you get to choose who you invite into your tribe, your support system. I have talked to so many people who are OR who have dealt with infertility and most of them say they feel alone and isolated. It can be such a secretive and lonely place, but it doesn't have to be. It's important to have family and friends in your every-day life / in person that are able to support and encourage you along the way. It can be hard to be vulnerable and share, BUT if you choose the right WHO and intentionally lead the relationship and conversations, it can be a huge blessing!
3. Your Professional Support Team! You get to choose the Doctors, Coaches (like me), Clinics and any Donors that you may work with. I have heard and had some amazing stores of wonderful physicians, caseworkers, donors and such. I have also heard and had some horror stories in my own journey as a 3x surrogate. Do your due diligence and get referrals. Some Doctor's are excellent in their field, but aren't the ooey-gooey bedside manner nice type. Know what matters most to you. Also know that if you get into it and it's not working for you, don't be afraid to change professionals.
4. Your MVP! Last, but not least, the most important WHO... is God. Faith is crucial to the fertility journey and a relationship with God will sustain you during the ups and downs!
So as you continue on this journey, don't do it alone. You have the Power of Who! You get to choose the major WHO's in your life and in-fertility and they will help determine what you have in the future!
Joining Couples Through the Journey,
Tiffany Jo Baker
P.S. Wanna learn more about how to keep your marriage strong on your fertility journey? Get instant access to my webinar "How to Have a Baby Without Losing Your Man or Mind" HERE. I will share 5 keys for a strong marriage and smooth journey while trying to conceive.
Tiffany Jo Baker is a 3x surrogate, speaker, coach, confidante and cheerleader to help you birth your dreams.