If you have been trying to conceive (TTC) for any length of time then I know you can't wait to say the words... "We're pregnant!" I've heard people laugh when a husband or wife has said these words and responded with some type of humorous remark about how they hoped the husband wasn't pregnant or they've noticed the (pregnancy) beer belly on him, but didn't want to say anything. The reality is that it does take two to get pregnant! Now, as a 3x Gestational Carrier (Surrogate) who has carried 5 children for 3 families dealing with infertility, I know it can take a lot more than 2 people to get pregnant, but you know what I mean.
There is actually a lot of power in the little two letter word "we." The University of California, Berkeley has done studies on the differences in couples who tend to use the words "we," "our" and "us" versus those that use "I," "my" and "you." Research showed that those that used pronouns such as "we" in their everyday lives behaved more positively towards each other and showed less physiological stress. Those that used more "I's" were found to be less satisfied and unhappy in their marriage.
So what does this mean for couples in life and in-fertility? A LOT... God designed reproduction and procreation among humans to happen between a man and a woman. It isn't an "I" thing, it is a "we" thing. Successful marriages are those that make decisions together, decide on how to do finances together, spend time together and grow old together. The fertility journey can be a lonely road to begin with. At the very least you want to be on the journey toward growing your family with your spouse, to feel like you are a team, a dynamic duo, who are joining forces together against infertility.
The use of "we" shows that you are in a partnership in life and in-fertility. It shows that you are connected. Although it is hard to say, "we are dealing with infertility," it is easier to say than, "I am having a hard time getting pregnant." You aren't alone, you get to stand together with your spouse for better or worse, in sickness and in health.
From now on pay attention to how you and your spouse talk. Are you a "we" couple or are you an "I" couple. The great news is that you can make positive changes in your relationship just by using a powerful two letter word more! It isn't just a change in how you talk, but how you think and eventually in how you do life together.
There shouldn't be an "I" in Infertility. From now on, there should only be a "We."
Joining Couples through the Journey,
Tiffany Jo Baker MA, CLC
Research information found at: http://news.berkeley.edu/2010/01/27/couple_we_ness/
Tiffany Jo Baker is a 3x surrogate, writer, speaker and Couples Life & Fertility support coach.
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