Why I carry other women’s babies & they let me.
A TRIBUTE TO FUTURE MAMAS, THE STRONGEST WOMEN I KNOW.
Never in a million years would I have guessed that I would become a surrogate and carry five children for three families dealing with infertility plus our two. Had you asked me as a teenager or young adult, being pregnant or a mom was a thought, but really I thought more about what my career was going to be or how I was going to change the world by being a successful CEO, sought after speaker or first female president.
It’s funny how life works out differently than we expected. It turned out that one of my gifts was being pregnant. My husband and I were blessed to quickly and easily get pregnant, I had amazing pregnancies and loved being pregnant. The excuse to gain weight, wear comfy clothes and have food cravings fulfilled by a wonderful husband… was like a dream job for me.
So when I told our good friends that we were pregnant with our second just after Trinity’s first birthday and the intense look of joy and pain flashed across her face all at the same time, God began to put something in my heart. In that moment I realized two things. One, she must be having a hard time getting pregnant (since she never said anything to me) and two, I have been given a gift. I remember thinking, “I would do that for someone, I would carry their child.” And so my journey began.
About four years later the timing was right for our family to begin the process. I researched agencies and submitted my application waiting to see what God would do with all this. While driving around doing errands less than 24 hours after placing it in the mail, I received a call from the director of the agency saying she had a couple that had been looking for a surrogate like me for almost two years. In that moment it was like time stood still. I remember it being almost like a holy moment, a divine moment, a moment of destiny. I haven’t had many moments like that, but I knew this was a pivotal moment in my life and I clearly remember God speaking to my heart, “If you make the dreams of others come true, I will make your dreams come true.” Yep… it was powerful and you know the ugly cry quickly began under my sunglasses as I continued to drive around taking it all in.
Since then I have walked the journey of being a surrogate with three amazing Christian families. Each family had different medical reasons for needing a Gestational Carrier from cancer to suffering through seven miscarriages. There are many opinions regarding surrogacy and some Assisted Reproductive Technologies, especially in the Christian community. The truth is that we were all created with unique gifts and talents. There isn’t one of us that has all the gifts, talents and resources we will ever need in life to be successful. Why would getting pregnant or becoming parents be any different? We were made to need others and be in relationships. We all need help to be successful in our businesses, relationships, mindset and life. Couples dealing with infertility often live in a world of secrecy, loneliness. stigma and shame, but why should we ever feel shame about needing help or having a struggle? Sometimes God performs miracles, sometimes we work hard and work through our struggles and sometimes God uses others to meet our needs. Some of the strongest women I have ever met are future mamas. The ones who have known that they were created to be moms, yet struggle to get pregnant or carry a healthy child to term. They deal monthly with the grief of a dream, but look hopefully and faithfully to next month and the possibility of a positive pregnancy test. It’s really hard to understand if you are fertile or you don’t have a loved one who shares openly with you. In a world where people love to post perfect pictures, share all the great stuff that is happening, and measure success by their bank account, home or ride, it takes a strong woman to ask for help and share a struggle.
There are times in our lives when we will be the gift giver and other times we will be the gift receiver. We can learn to gracefully give and receive. No gift is higher than another. You may have the gift of encouragement, organization, counsel, entrepreneurship, creativity or even pregnancy. When we work together to share the gifts we have been given and to seek the gifts we need in each season, a beautiful synergistic effect happens. This is when dreams are birthed.
Find your team, your tribe. Find those who have the gifts you need to help you birth the dreams that God has given you. In the meantime, while you are waiting for your dreams to be birthed… help birth the dreams of someone else with the gifts you have been given!
Hugs and prayers, Tiffany Tiffany Jo Baker MA, CLC Couples Life & Fertility Support Coach
P.S. Are you the loved one of a couple dealing with loss or infertility? Or maybe you are one of the 1 in 8 trying to conceive? Click Here for a FREE Girlfriend’s Guide to Infertility & Loss, perfect to learn how to support your loved ones better or to give to the friends and family that you invite to be part of your TTC Support Tribe.